A call toward authenticity
“To all who believe the call toward authenticity is sacred and holy and for the greater good, there are no guarantees you will find happiness, but you will know joy.”—Paula Stone Williams
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Reading the story of Paul Stone Williams as he transistioned to Paula Stone Williams grabbed me and stopped me hard. Paula’s story of conflict, love and hope rang true and authentic—which is exactly as she would say: “The call toward authenticity is sacred and holy and for the greater good.”
Despite how different Paula’s story is from mine as a cis-gender white female, there were also so many similarities that I could connect with and see the common thread of humanity in—which is key when reading a story whose life does not follow the same trajectory as your own.
Her thoughts on pseudocommunity in families resonated with me— how we don’t dig beneath the surface until someone has the courage to “move beyond pseudocommunity to chaos, the next stage in creating genuine community. Chaos happens when “truths are aired problems are confronted.” After chaos is emptiness—when everyone has extended themeselves and no one is sure what the end will look like. “If a familiy is willing to work through the chaos and emptiness, eventually there is a light at the end fo the tunnel. Finally, the familiy’s shattered pseudocommunity is replaced by genuine community and a family’s bonds are stronger than ever.”
Paula also addresses white priviledge in her story. Having started life as a white male in religious settings where patriarchal hiearchy is king she was forced to face the assumed privilidge she was used to getting after she transitioned to a Paula. Admitting that we (as white people) may not have been born with silver spoons in our mouths, but with easy access to many spoons is necessary for understanding that we start the race closer to the finish line with we have such advantages than many others around us.
Besides priviledge in a white patriarchal society there is also sexism, genderism and agism. These realities are ideas I’ve had the priviledge of not HAVING to thinking about. But it is a party of many people’s story and a story line I hope to be more actively engaged in.
When our famliy of origin gives us an unhealthy view of God, we are faced with the choices of how to move beyond. Paula has found a way to gracefully move though the inacurate depictions of a God with conditions and limits to one who encompases all.
My absolute favorite chapter was towards the end where Paula so clearly summarizes the “religions of hate and the religions of love”. She so beautifully discribes the belief systems of Chistianity as well as other “desert religions” that are fundamentalist: Islam and Judaism. Because I am still so inexperienced in grasping the vast areas in which such fundamentalism influenced and colored my views of God, men, race, power, and control over women (in all areas that don’t require them to give up their comfort but rather benefit from it) I was challenged to continue to doubt and question and keep leaning into the things that once scared me. It is the things we don’t know that we fear the most. It is these issues we most shy away from in fundamentalist settings that have kept us from discovering a bigger love.
“But for those of us who are terminally curious, there comes a time when your doubt forces it's way through the cardboard walls of your flimsy theology. Eventually, you cannot help but question the narrative of the fatherland.
Paula shares how she has landed in a more “generous expresssion of Christianity…focusing on right practice rather than right beliefs.” Paula’s story is one of bravery, pain, loss and healing. Her willingness to share all of these aspects with us is proof of her belief that authenticity is sacred and holy. And, I would add, it does not always look the way we might assume.
