The Love Ethic
Before I even read All About Love, bell hooks passed away.
A friend had recommended reading more women of color in my journey of decentering whiteness and working on my racial justice education.
Love Ethic. Purchase prints or own the original.
While I finished The Sum of Us, All About Love sat on my shelf waiting…
And then it came time to crack it open and out came the pen to highlight the magnitude of bell’s message of love.
Reading bell’s words felt like being wrapped in a big giant hug. It was gracious and peaceful, yet full of power and a compelling call to something way bigger than the love I thought I knew.
Love is “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” bell quoted from M. Scotte Peck’s book, Road Less Traveled.
“When we understand love as the will to nurture our own and another’s spiritual growth, it becomes clear that we cannont claim to love if we are hurtful and abusive.”
This challenge rang true to the feelings I had been noticing in myself. That the “love” I had claimed to hold connected to the faith of my childhood had also been hurtful and abusive. And so I was faced with my claim to be loving.
“When we are loving we openly express care, affection, responsibility, respect, commitment and trust….The heart of justice is truth telling”.-bell hooks
“When we hear another person’s thoughts, beliefs and feelings, it is more difficult to project onto them our perceptions of who they are. It is harder to be manipulative. When men and women punish each other for truth telling we reinforce the notions that lies are better. To be loving we willingily hear each other’s truth and, most important, we affirm the value of truth telling. Lies may make people feel better, but they do not help them to know love.” -bell hooks
Bell’s definition of a love ethic is “showing care, respect, knowledge, integrity and the will to cooperate”.
Reading bell’s words felt like a gentle, yet firm reminder of the need for a dynamic paradigm shift in my view, opinion and outward expression of love that I had always believed I had.
“Awakening to love can happen only as we let go of our obsession with power and domination…to bring a love ethic to every dimention of our lives our society would need to embrace change. Individuals who choose to love can and do alter our lives in ways that honor the primacy of a love ethic. An overall cultural embrace of a love ethic would mean that we would all oppose much of the public policy conservatives condone and support…Fear of radical change leads many citizens of our nation to betray their minds and hearts. Fear is the primary force upholding structures of domination. Safety lies always with sameness, then difference of any kind will appear as a threat. When we choose to love we choose to move against fear…to find ourselves in the other.”
So to mirror this love ethic that bell refers to, I am reminded that I must listen to others. I must be willing to hear their truth without projecting my personal truth onto them. I must be willing to set aside my power and priviledge to embrace a community of love without fear of differences.
“Any disease of the soul must be conquered by a turning of one’s soul. This turning is done through one’s own affirmation of one’s worth—an affirmation fueled by the concern of others. To live our lives based on the principles of a love ethic, we have to be courageous. Learning how to face our fears is one way we embrace love…when we allow a love ethic to govern and inform how we think and act, know that when we let our light shine, we draw to us and are drawn to other bearers of light. We are not alone.”
All About Love is a textbook to devour, pour over, meditate on and mule over. Bell’s call to love and affirm ourselves as well as others while learning to listen, communicate beyond our fears was refreshing as well as challenging. It made me step back and assess where I have thought I have loved when really I have not. Our willingness to step back, listen, and resist the fear of others will be the love that changes the world— beginning with ourselves.
