I Can’t See The Bridge
This is the second post I’ve “postponed” (!!!) writing because it’s hard. But as Glennon Doyle reminds us: “We can do hard things”…. So here goes.
I was privildged to be given an early copy of Marla Taviano’s newest book, Jaded. Having read Marla’s first collection of poems (Unbelieve), I had high expectations or anticipations—and I was not disapointed!!
One of the many poems that stood out to me was called: Can’t See A Bridge. The words of this poem resounded with me with reverberating crashes and I could picture the crushing waves and feel the salty water up my nose and know the sinking feeling of not seeing a bridge on the horizon. The experience of leaving a religion that doesn’t fit you anymore is hard enough, but when it also comes with the loss of family connections it is hard and sad and disapointing.
The reason I share my experiences of leaving religion is the hope that my voice is an encouragment to other's who might be just starting out and needing to know that it’s ok to do what you’re doing. Having a companion who voices your similar concerns or questions or struggles is comforting when all your life you’ve relied on the voices of others to tell you what to believe.
When navigating those relationship riffs, it’s easy to be gaslight ourselves into thinking it’s “just me”. But please remember, the “It must just be me” voice is religion’s power play as well—to gaslight it’s followers by making the broad claim that “not ALL religions are bad”, or “Not ALL churches are this way” only further keeps us enmeshed within an abusive and toxic system.Being raised to doubt yourself and your heart only allows the patriarchal powers to continue their dominion over your life.
Leaving church brought a whole lot of other questions into my life that weren’t expected. I slowly became aware of the need to face the oppression, supremacy, racism, ableism, mysogyny, codependancy and disengagement from our bodies and and the natural world around us. This awaresness and need to address these varous issues in my life was (and is!) at times, overwhelming.
I don’t think I will always feel like I can’t see a bridge to the relationships I once had when I was safely grounded in a toxic religion. But as I navigate the deep waters of leaving religion and continue my search for sure footing on something other than the sandy beaches of the church’s institutions; I’ll be out here in the waters with you encouraging you to keep treading water. Maybe it’s people like Marla Taviano who are some of our life preservers in the tumultuous sea of doubt, anger, trauma, hurt, betrayal, and present realities of missing bridges to relationships we one held dear.
