Shadows from the Pew
Shadows
The shadows cast by the pews in America reveal so much if only we are open to looking.
Before 2008 I would not have been able to objectively see what truths lurked in the shadows. I’m here to testify that it’s possible. It’s possible to come from the small white boxes and cages; having prescribed to the very beliefs that you now are starting to see cracks in.
If you see a little glimmer of curiosity.
If you have a tiny twinge of something being off.
Embrace that.
It’s ok to question.
If you grew up in white evangelical spaces that discouraged you from questioning, then even this little bit of push back will be condemned. For white America to remain in control it must convince us that there is no other alternative. It must shame us into thinking it is our “lack of” that keeps us from rising above. It must keep our humanity small and evil. It is the shame and fear from our zero sum thinking that lies to us. For ages we have believed the lies that white evangelicals have told us: that our personal faith must be THE faith of all. That our views and opinions trump that of any others. This is why Baldwin said he could “not take seriously—at least, as Christian ministers—the present-day gang that calls itself the Moral Majority.”
When I started reading about white supremacy in 2014 a thought kept coming into my head: this sounds like the church I grew up in-the environment I was surrounded with. And you know what? That’s because white supremacy and white evangelicalism are one in the same. We will be gaslit and shamed and shunned for making such statements, but that is what power and patriarchy and empire do to maintain control. So when I say: “This is why I don’t claim an evangelical faith any longer. It is too closely tied and enmeshed with all that is wrong with the world- power, pride, punishment, pro- (some) life…” This is what that means in more detail:
Am I blaming “faith” for what is wrong in our world you might ask. Well, if that “faith” requires me to exclude others that are not like me (cis, white, woman, etc.) and tells me to fight wars and stands behind the idea that the country I happened to be born in is better than any other… if that “faith” says it’s ok to kill someone if they’ve killed another, supports war and control over others, excuses discrimination of others different than me because their beliefs are not ‘correct’… if that “faith” condems their orientation, if that “faith” dismisses the value of other people’s lives because a leader of a particular organization might support a different faith than me (BLM) then yes, I am blaming “faith” for what is wrong in America—more specifically I am calling out WHITE EVANGELICALISM for so many things wrong in America. Let’s be clear: It was the highest majority of white evangelicals who voted for one of the most racists, misogynistic, arrogant men as leader of America. It is white evangelicals who are more concerned with being “right” and “biblical” (they themselves are the judge of that) than loving others who have different views than them. It is white evangelicals who support turning immigrants away (remember, Jesus welcomed the foreigner). It is white evangelicals who refuse to keep church and state separate (except for their tax exempt status for their church organizations of course) when it feels like their personal beliefs should rule supreme in the country that claims religious freedom for all. It is white evangelicals who want to control who gets to love each other, whose lives matter and whose god gets to be prayed to in schools. It is white evangelicals who staunchly support owning assault riffles and not having unniversal background checks because that would infringe on their “freedoms”. So when I say I do not claim an evangelical faith any longe, it is that kind of religion that infuses so much of America that I am leaving. That is the “faith” I don’t claim to have any longer. If that statement offends you or scares you or saddens you, that’s ok. We don’t have to agree. You don’t have to save me. I understand that this won’t make sense if you’re in the religious systems. It didn’t make sense to me when I was still living inside the box that contained all the certainties I thought I knew. When our paycheck as full time staff in an organization that ascribed to an evangelical belief was tied to us upholding and encouraging these beliefs in ourselves and others we converted, it was impossible for me to see any other alternatives. And let me also be clear about this: If you are someone who finds themselves standing on the edge of white evangelicalism and realizing that not having an opinion on gun control, comprehensive sex education, capital punishment, immigration reform, funding of wars over education, etc. just keeps the status quo going you should know that that is the goal. “Thoughts and prayers” “#prayforuvalde”, “this is a sin problem”, “we have turned from God”, these are all a dodge. They (white evangelicals) told us they are pro life. But where are they now in the days after multiple massacres? They told us “all lives matter” but don’t you see them staunchly prohibiting the lives of anyone not like them? (gay, trans, black, immigrant, etc.) They say they are for fiscal responsibility (but did you know to execute someone on death row costs tax payers millions of dollars a year?
Our 50 senators will make pithy statements about the recent shootings in Uvalde (but will also cash checks from the NRA).
If you grew up learning about a man from Galilee who resisted the dominion and empire of the world. If you grew up reading about a prophet who championed the poor, widowed, immigrant, and outsider. If you heard of an Arab man with brown skin teaching peace over war, year of jubilee over judgement, love over hate, then white evangelicalism is not going to match up with that faith. You will feel the tension and the paradox and the disconnect because there is one. You’re not crazy. The Jesus you thought you knew is not inside the walls of a white nationalist, patriotic, misogynistic, homophobic, power grabbing, conditional loving organization that seeks to control, avoid blame, dodge accountability, stall reform or face it’s ugly history, it’s shamfull present and it’s damning future .
I may have been raised in a Baptist (white evangelical) church. I may have been married to a pastor serving in Baptist (white evangelical) churches. But that does not mean I am obligated to continue to silently and passively allow those beliefs to remain paramount in my life. By not speaking up, standing against, opposing or questioning the status quo I admit to playing a role in the current status of our country. I ascribed to the Moral Majority plaguing our society. I am part of the white majority who has benefited from the white evangelical ideology. But no longer is silence an option. Enough is enough. That is not the “faith” I claim any longer. I am working unlearning the toxic beliefs, abusive language and ingrained views of a Baptist (white evangelical) church.
Because, remember: The shadows cast by the pews in America reveal so much if only we are open to looking— and then honestly access what those revelations require of us.
