A Woman Is No Man
Recently my friend Joanna gifted me a copy of the novel called “A Woman is no Man” by Etaf Rum. I’m usually reading non-fiction, but I like to fluctuate back and forth between a good novel right before bed and non-fiction for my early morning reading. I’m always excited to read a novel recommended by a friend who knows me well and this time did not disapoint. I felt like this story taught me so much about the power of Arab women, the courage of Arab women and the endurance and strength of Arab wome.
Etaf Rum speaks, in the end notes, of this debut novel in more details and of her fear of reinforcing a stereotype of Arab people by sharing her story. This book did the complete opposite for me. It broke taboo and gave me a personal perspective into the story of one Arab family and their struggle with traditions, culture, assimilation, conviction, choice and power of education.
“Fareeda knew her granddaughter could never understand how shame could grow and morph and swallow someone until she had no choice, but to pass it along so that she wasn’t forced to bear it alone……She [Isra] too had spent her life trying to please her family, desperate for their validation and approval. She, too, had let fear of disappointing them stand in her way. But seeking approval had not worked for Isra, and Deya could see now that it would not work for her either…..An old voice had lived in the back of her head for as long as she could remember—the voice that cautioned her to surrender, to be quiet, endure. It told her that standing up for herself would only lead to disapointment when she lost her battle. That the things she wanted for herself were a fight she could never win. That it was safer to surrender and do what she was supposed to do. What would happen if she disobeyed her family?… she could still feel the shift that had just occurred inside her. The old voice was no longer strong enough to hold her back. She knew this voice that she had always taken as absolute truth was actually the very thing preventing her from achieving everything she wanted. The voice was the lie, and all the things she wanted for herself were the truth, perhaps the most important truth in the world. And because of this she had to stand up for herself. She had to fight. She had to. The fight was worth everything if it meant finally having a voice.”
If you assumed this book might be a downer, just by reading the jacket cover, and passed on reading it, you’d be missing out. It read like a beautiful story of hope, awakening and finding one’s voice. I found it inspiring and, without diminishing Etaf Rum’s unique voice and lived experience, I found it very identifiable having grown up in a fundamentalist religion. We must all (especially women) look introspectively into our lives and ask ourselves if we are living someone else’s expectation for our lives, or are we living the truth of our own convictions and purpose. Whether it is society’s default to the patriarchal systyem or religion’s claim on our true calling, may we all take a step back and explore the truth inside of us that is worth fighing for.
The image I’ve painted is inpsired by Etuf Rum’s story. It represents this vast power and depth held within us. It speaks to the deepness and beauty we contain withint us. Thank you Etuf Rum, for such a beautiful piece of work you have shared with us.
