Embracing our Cracked and Messy Lives

Broken and Beautiful

The day my friend, Becca, posted a video of her daughter’s messy room I laughed out loud and watched it over and over. I was IN LOVE with this video and I had to ask myself why it rang true for me. It was not just because her daughter is one of my piano students and probably one of the cutes 1st graders ever, and not because I was making fun of my friend and her kids’ messy room. But really, it was because I COULD RELATE on a couple different levels.

I've been thinking through my personal values and characteristics and one thing on my list is that I value honesty. So, as a mother, it was so validating to see Becca’s honesty in sharing this video that some people would be so embarrassed to show to the world! Seeing it made me feel normal as a mom with kids who have rooms covered in shit just like this on a regular basis and understanding that feeling of the never-ending life of cleaning.

The second way this video resonated so strongly with me is because it felt like the perfect picture of why I left the church. Let me explain.

Becca coming into her daughter’s room and "exposing" her daughter’s reality is like what many of us in the church have done when we've pointed out the flaws of organized religion or the ways the modern church is failing our society. And her daughter jumping up to cover up the camera saying: "stop recording!" is like the church's refusal to honestly address their shortcomings and admit they could do better!

Let’s admit it. We all have messy rooms. We all have junk drawers. We all have parts of our lives we are not proud of. But pretending that we are perfect and have it all together doesn’t make people think better of us, does it? Not me. The lack of honesty and transparency shows me a sense of pride and arrogance that is not appealing at all.

For a large majority of the Western White Church, they have been hiding their mess from our view for years. Whether it’s a concern for the jeopardy of their livelyhood or just a blinding (false) sense of security, these organizations are loosing people like me because of their lack of humility for their shortcomings and their unwillingness to be open to admitting their failings.

When we have become a people so staunchly set in our ways that we refuse to see any error in ourselves, we risk becoming a group of people out of touch and convinced that showing our true selves would be too much for people to love and too much for God to be able to deal with.

Is our view of God so tiny that the reality of our human messiness is just too much for?

The most inspiring people I know and hope to learn from are those who openly share their messy, difficult lives with me — unashamedly knowing that it is in our weaknesses that we can most deeply connect with each other. (On a side note. This is also why I am enjoying the Ted Lasso show so much—he has no freaking clue what he’s doing as a soccer coach and he’s perfectly fine admitting that!! Read more of my thoughts on Ted Lasso here.)

So let’s do a little gut check on ourselves. Are we rushing to put our hand up to the camera in efforts to hide those messy parts of our lives? Who are we really fooling by living as if our lives, our faith and our character traits have no flaws? Let’s not follow in the steps of the churches we’ve grown up in. Their Fear Of People Leaving their pews has kept them from being honest about their brokenness, their cracks and their piles of mess.

Remember, It is in our broken and cracked places that the light shines through…“We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in.” Ernest Hemingway.

For a more in depth look at living with our messiness, read "Messy Spirituality” by Mike Yaconelli.